Thursday, November 12, 2015

Selfies & Self Love

Let’s talk: Seflies!

This isn’t going to be another conversation about how we’re a “selfie-obsessed-culture” and how we NEED.TO.STOP!!! Nope.


If you’re not liking where this convo is headed, peace out now, because it’s only going to get better from here!

SELFIES!!! {cue me throwing my hands up and waving them like a crazy lady!}

SO, why am I SO excited by selfies???  Because they are my own reflection of self love and self confidence. They show me how beautiful I am, and then I get to in turn share that with the world.

Why is the world as equally obsessed with selfies as it is with ending them?  Why does confidence make people so uncomfortable?? I can’t necessarily speak for others, but for myself, I cared a lot more about other people’s seflies when I was unhappy with myself.  Now that I’m on the other side of that really hard-fought battle, I really don’t give a shit. Here’s why:

It took 25 years to learn to love myself, and I just don’t have that kind of fucking time to wait for everyone else to catch up.  Do my selfies bother you?? Too fucking bad.

“I’m pro selfie. There are so many bigger problems in the world than girls who think they’re pretty. One of those is girls who don’t think they’re pretty.” 

Do I NEED a selfie to feel pretty? No, of course not. That’s what the god damn mirror is for.  But on those days when I feel especially beautiful, I’m going to take a god damn selfie, I’m going to post it to Instagram and hashtag the fuck out of it, and I’m going to share it, because I fucking can.  I earned that right!  I busted my ass to get through this incredibly hard journey to self love, and one of MY personal favorite ways to celebrate myself is to share my beauty with the world.

Here’s the difference between my selfie and a girl who does not quite love herself yet: I’m not about the “likes.”  I don’t need them. I have my husband, who makes me feel amazing and gorgeous on a daily basis, my 4 year old son who tells me every morning “Mommy, you look beautiful today!” and of course, my heart, where I feel beautiful and it shows in everything I do. I love others especially hard, BECAUSE I love myself.  Once I removed the hate and fear and self-loathing, I had SO MUCH room for love!!!  And I do love fiercely. 

Now, let’s discuss the girl who NEEDS the “likes.” First of all: that’s none of your god damn business.  Period. Your opinion honestly does not matter. I could really just end the blog here and say “TA-DA!!” but I won’t.  Perhaps you don’t get it, which is why you continue being an asshole.  Allow me to enlighten you: those who seek the approval of others where their beauty and worth are concerned ESPECIALLY do NOT need you bashing their need for approval. That is the opposite of love, and acceptance, and helpfulness.  The old adage “If you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all” especially applies in these situations.  If a young girl is looking for approval in the amount of “likes” she receives for a selfie, she needs your like, she needs your kind words, and she probably also needs your love. She needs to be told she’s not only beautiful, but also that she’s worth SO MUCH MORE THAN HER PRETTY FACE!!!! Compliment her on her kindness, her ability to listen and problem solve, her willingness to help others, her tolerance for things that you would never tolerate! JUST FUCKING BE NICE TO HER!!!!! And above all, remind her to “be kind to herself, because that’s who matters the most.”  And then take a step back and ask yourself why her selfie bothers you SO much.  We spend little girl’s entire childhoods telling them that they’re beautiful, inside and out, and then their entire adulthoods telling them to calm down and stop with the self-obsession.  What message does that send exactly???  Not a healthy one. 

Spend tonight thinking this one over, and try tomorrow letting a girl know that you appreciate HER, and her selfie. But especially her.


Also, here’s a ton of fucking selfies in case you made it through the post and you’re annoyed with me, because I just do not care! ;)

And the art I promised to share with all new blog posts!! 

Monday, September 14, 2015

The Big Move!

Ahh! So much time has passed, so much has happened!!

I’ve gone back in forth for over a year on changing the blog and redirecting it towards my current life.  As I lay in bed last night, I realized that what my original intention of the blog has really never changed, and I also realized I don’t really want to take it away! So I’ve decided it’ll remain largely the same, and I’ll just change the aesthetic.  This way I can keep the integrity of the original blog, and still move forward.

And since I’ve wasted so much time worrying about “changing” the blog, instead of just blogging, I’ll get back to it.

I last posted in September of 2014, and SO much has changed!  In November of 2014, Drew and I began discussing his enlistment in the Air Force coming to an end, and how it would be nice to move home to NY to be near family again. I remember being on the phone with Drew discussing the idea, and I remember having this feeling that God was standing there saying “OH! YOU HEARD ME! GOOD, NOW MAKE THE PLANS!” And so we began planning.  Paul had graduated high school and left for Basic with the Army,  so we were one birdy down in our nest.  We had both come to love Arizona, and Tucson specifically.  Lord knows how much I loved my career and working with Sold No More.  And the military/community family we’d built was more than I could have ever prayed for.   But in the end, we decided that come June 2015, we’d be heading home to Jamestown, NY, to start again and live in the real world.

So here we are, in NY (it’s cold as shit BTDubs. Last night was 48degrees, but I wanted Autumn, so I guess the good Lord delivered.)  We’ve been home for 5 months (which seems ridiculous, because it feels like a lifetime already!) and we’ve been loving it!! The first few months were easy because Drew was still receiving pay from the military while on terminal leave, but after that was over, it was back to the real world for us. 

Here’s the truth: we’re struggling. Bad. Like, we can never buy enough food to last a pay period, and it’s certainly not from a lack of knowing how to budget.  On the other hand, we’re working 3 jobs between us, and we LOVE them!!! I’m working part time for an agency that serves folks with intellectual and developmental disabilities, and I’m on call for a domestic violence shelter. I truly love the shit out of both jobs, and I can’t pick between them. Unfortunately, I’m not working enough at either to make ends meet. Drew on the other hand is working a factory job making decent money, especially for our area, and he’s working full time. Somehow, we’re making enough that we should be able to survive and then some, but we’re barely keeping our heads above water.  Our output is more than our income, and we don’t know how or where to catch up. I think this is the most stressful and scared I’ve felt in a really long time, and yet, I feel a lot of peace.  I was telling my best friend recently, that although this is the most stressed we’ve been in more than 5 years, it’s also the happiest Drew and I have been since we got married 8 years ago (our anniversary is coming, and I’m still in shock that I can really say we’ve been married EIGHT years!)  I’m starting to think that we’re experiencing all this hardship so that we can prove that we’re capable of surviving. And we are capable!  We know in our hearts that we’ll get through this rough patch, and we’ll come out on the other side victorious and stronger than ever. We know this because we’ve spent our lives perfecting the art of survival. We’re awesome fucking Survivors!!

Also, the kiddos have started school!!! Can I get a loud rejoicing?!!?! Hallelujah!!!!!  They are absolutely loving school, but I think Genna may be struggling too.  Everyday she comes home with behaviors that lead me to believe she’s struggling at school, and coming home and not being able to verbalize her frustrations.  Also, I know my kid well enough that when she does something completely unexpected to get attention, or has a meltdown about something really irrelevant, that she’s struggling. Right now I’m having a difficult time figuring out what it is that’s going on, but it’s only been a week, and I’m hoping to figure out the right question to ask to receive the right answer. My biggest worry is that she’s bullying/being bullied and either doesn’t know how to tell me that, or doesn’t want to.  She reports daily the children biting other children, including herself (being bitten) and after 3 days (and no bite marks) I’m starting to wonder what’s going on.  I plan to set up a parent/teacher conference well before the scheduled November meeting.

Dominic on the other hand is LOVING school! He goes to half day PreK, and it seems to be perfect for him! He spends the morning with his Daddy Man, and then goes to school after lunch and “plays house” in his classroom. It seems to be the perfect set up for him.

I think that’s an adequate amount of writing for tonight, and I already have plans for the next few posts! I’ve also decided to begin sharing my art on the blog because it’s become such a huge piece of me! Tonight I’ll share one of my favorites: The Kitty and the Teacup, which I painted specifically for my friend Amber in Arizona! Enjoy!